Thanks to my mom I was able to get out and so some shopping for the holiday and also some grocery shopping. She was willing to come and stay upstairs with Jackson while I went out, which helped me out A LOT! Oh my goodness, now I know why I usually have the shopping done and wrapped before Thanksgiving...because people are so freakin' rude! I picked up the few things that were on sale and will check out the ads tomorrow to see if there is anything else in the coming week that I should pick up.

Attempted to get gift cards to Toys R Us today, because our grocery store sells gift cards and you get credits toward your gas purchase based on your sales there. Well, I go in and they didn't have anymore for TRU. Now, think about it, no one thought that they should make sure they have extra during the holiday season when people aren't just using them as gifts, but that parents will want them to buy their own children's gifts and to get the money towards gas at the same time. All I know is, when I'm finally able to get them I plan to retro back the gift cards to the items I purchased today.

This time of year is always so celebratory and depressing for me, all at the same time. I love the holidays, being around friends and family, baking like a mad woman, and trying to remember the purpose for the season and instilling that in my son. But, it becomes depressing for me as well because it makes me think of those that I've lost in my life that aren't here to enjoy the season. Mainly my father, since Christmas was his favorite time of year, he was more of a kid at the holiday than we were. And I know having grandchildren would have brought that out of him even more, but he's not here to get to do that and be here for my son and the baby. I do little things to bring him into our holiday, but it's never the same. Funny thing here is that my dad always had us put sleigh bells up, tied around the front door handle, so that you could hear if Santa left at night. Well, I have them and we not only keep them up for the holiday but I can't take them down and leave them up all year.

This time of year also makes me think of friends in my life, past and present. It can't help at all that I'm hormonal and willing to cry at the drop, but lately I've been very emotional about people that I've had no contact with in years! Now, I've not cried, but been very thoughtful about what they are up to and happy when my being nosy has shown that they are up to good things and seem to be doing well. I'm always happy when someone is doing well, so that's not so shocking, but I guess knowing some of these people for such a long time really gives it extra meaning. I truly miss some of them, wish them the best and hope to one day in the future to be in contact with them (but if not, continued success to them). All of that also includes current friends, even though I'm not great at keeping up with them.

Did you know that if you try to search for me, just quickly at least, via the internet that I'm pretty much nonexistent? Now, I know at one point info was available because of my job, but since we contractors for the Feds they pulled the info and made it private. So, that searchable stuff has vanished. So, it comes down to the fact that there is nothing! Makes me wonder what it would be like if I was still working, what I'd be doing, where my name would be listed and what for, if I'd even be with the same company or if I'd move on (maybe to becoming a Fed, since there were offers, but the commute was TOO long). Guess it just makes me think that being a stay-at-home-mom sometimes makes you feel like you don't exist at all. That's besides the children that you are staying home for, that you're not needed. I mean, I know, I know, I am...but...when you think about what your friends and such are doing and than what I'm doing. It feels really unimportant that I plan out our food for the week, that I make sure the laundry is done, the house is clean and that everyone is pretty content within the walls of my house, and that I play random silly cames and make a fool out of myself with/for my son.

We received a card today and I had to laugh, it's not that it was a funny card per say, but it did have a good point in it. Our friend wrote in it that we had to be the two people that she knew that were the most thankful that 2007 was coming to an end. I have to admit, she's right. That's not so say that only bad things happened this year, but as anyone can imagine, it's been a pretty shitty year.

Wow, thinking back, this is sure an uplifting posting today. I really need to see Santa tomorrow and maybe his jolly goodness will rub off. I do enjoy the holiday and am very glad that it's this time of year. Plus, heck, I think we'll get some retail therapy in at Boyd's and try to get some stuff at the outlets (although none of that will be for me).