3.5 lbs, that's how much I lost this past week. So, that brings me to 73.5 lbs in total. I've been hoping to be down 75 lbs by Jackson's birthday, which could be done if I remain strong and keep remembering that one bad day doesn't ruin all the good ones that I've had.

Which, thinking of lil' mans birthday, we're having a full on party. I kept trying to steer us away from that, but it's happening anyway. Joe reminded me how we have some neighbors that are new(er), that know Jackson since the boys were in daycare together for a while, and that we should invite them. I'm okay with that, just had wanted to cut costs this year. My in-laws will be here for a few days during this time as well. I'm not sure exactly when they are coming down, but now it seems they are staying until Monday. I was trying to get an answer from people on this for a while, but finally I got one. His mom however will not be staying past that Monday.

Joe will be heading up to MI that week after the party, to see his friends. I'll be here by myself with Jackson for 4 days. It still irritates me that he's going on this trip. I'd like to know when I get time to myself to do anything. Heck, I'd like to be able to pee by myself for one day straight, but that sure doesn't happen! Joe made some comment about how I could go somewhere if I wanted, all by myself. Who in the world is he kidding? The man has never even taken care of him all by himself while I've been home, yet alone with me out of the area (or state)! Most of the time that I've gone out and run errands have been while Jackson is either napping or already asleep for the night. Needless to say, Joe's comments made me boil and we had a "discussion" about this. I don't plan on going anywhere any time soon though, that's for sure.

Yesterday was Father's Day. Joe had to work, so we had "celebrated" the day on Saturday. Had fun. Went to the Farmer's Market in the morning, man was that busy. Jackson decided he needed to run around, so Joe ran with him while I did the shopping. I had made him breakfast before we left too, breakfast burritos, which are awesome. I actually made mine into a pizza because I only wanted to use one tortilla shell, but he used two. Anyway, we had a nice lunch at home too, just sandwiches. Joe took a nap while Jackson was napping and than started putting together a cabinet for our room (which isn't done yet, argh). I went out to the grocery store for supplies for our dinner. We splurged a little. Ribeye steak, fries, summer yellow squash casserole...but the big splurge was...cheesecake and cappucino mousse cake. They were individual pieces and we shared them. Boy were they good! It was a nice day and I hope he enjoyed it. I also made him eggs on Sunday morning before work and I had Jackson give him our cards.

Throughout the day though I started thinking about my dad and how much I miss him. He died when I was 12 and there are times when it seems like just yesterday. I started to think about the fact that those few years around that time in my life really, well, sucked. At 10 we found out my mom had Multiple Sclerosis, 11 dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and at 12 he died. I still don't get why it all happened. It's the time in my life when I questioned God and his purpose, still not back to where I was with my faith before all that happened. It still rings in my head, the comment we've all heard at some point in time, "God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle" (or something like that). I've often wondered, what was he thinking about me to do all that to such a young person (or to anyone that goes through hardships that seem out of control). I still don't get the point. I've even gone so far as to ask God why he did that and hope for an answer. Grasping for the hope that there would be some divine explanation that would make me okay with everything, something that would calm my sorrow when I missed my daddy so badly.

All this made me realize how much Jackson (and my nieces) will miss out by not having my father around. Besides the obvious fact that dad isn't here to see them and do all the grandpa things he could with them. There is also the fact that my mom became really bitter over time after dad died. I am still not sure what sparked it all, but she's not a happy person (for the most part). She's been through a lot with her disease and the loss of my father, but everyone in our family makes comment to me about how pessimistic she is now. I've seen that in myself at times and it doesn't make me happy. I'm hoping that her pending move to our place will help with this because she won't feel so isolated and alone.