I'm realizing that I'm becoming a very bitter person. I think that's why I've stayed away from blogging for the past week, because I feel as though anything I say will be depressing and bitter. Today it really hit me. I had to go do more clothes shopping because, well, let's be frank... I don't fit into the clothes I already have. I don't get it though. I have barely eaten the past week because my stomach felt so crappy. But, somehow, I've gained weight. That's the first thing to be bitter about.

Second...not pregnant. At least the multitude of pregnancy tests keep coming up negative. All I see are pregnant women or couples that just had a baby. My street is full of them and the woman that I sit across from at work, our AA, is also pregnant. If I hear one more person say, "Well, we were talking about how it was about time to have one (or another one) and it just happened!" It must be nice to have a body that functions properly and allows for such things. Mine however, does not. The last month I was on enough hormone and fertility drugs that almost any woman should have been able to get pregnant. I'm guessing that this is related to the weight gain as well, which just makes it more irritating. Tonight we are supposed to do something with Jim and Sara, who are, you guessed it, pregnant. Jim just called telling us how they were out picking baby furniture and accessories at Baby Depot. I had to leave the room when Joe told me. It's not that I'm unhappy for other people that are able to have such a wonderful thing happen in their life, it's that I'm upset/unhappy for myself because I can't have it. Doing something with them tonight will be really interesting. I can just tell now that I'll be an unpleasant person to be around. Most likely I'll be able to make it through the time with them and then fall apart when I get home. Just like normal, put on a good face with everyone else and break down once I enter the house. Just like always.

Yesterday I spent a bunch of the day getting sucked into watching specials on BBC America about Princess Diana. They showed all the Diana shows at it was the anniversary of her death. As I watched I just kept thinking how Prince Charles never loved her, even though she initially seemed to really be in love with him. None of my business, but just a comment. I became a groupy for the day, not sure how long it will last though.

I've also been sucked into watching Big Brother 3, which I've mentioned before. Oh well, I watched last night as people were nominated. We'll have to see who leaves on Thursday.

The amount of T.V. watching can be attributed to the puppy. I will admit, I tend to leave the thing on as a backdrop to life. It is almost always on (not as I type because there isn't a tv in here) and many times I'm not even paying attention to it. However, since the puppy requires so much attention and basically doesn't allow me to do much of anything else. I've had the tv on and been actually watching the shows. So much bad tv out there, it's a shame.

My bitter self is going to lay down. Maybe take a nap while Joe has the pleasure of being in charge of the dog for a while.