Today I get to be a downer in my post...so I'll apologize for that off the bat...

I'm pretty sure that I'm in the middle of having a miscarriage. I've had spotting and such, called the Dr's office on Friday and spoke with a nurse. She said to watch and see, call back if needed. Well, I'm either going to be calling back tonight or tomorrow in hopes of actually seeing a doctor to do an exam. My head just can't get around this. Joe was home Friday and Saturday but he wasn't sure what to do or say. Today he's at work and I really wish he was home. I keep going off by myself and cry, Jackson keeps coming over wanting me to be okay. He's such a good kid and really emotional so I hate having him see me cry because many times it sends him into a crying attack as well.

As horrible as this sounds, I really feel like it either needs to stop and everything be okay. Or just full on do it already and have it be over with. This on and off is driving me crazy and I can't take it. I'm feeling on the edge and just hoping that Jackson remains pretty good today so that I can keep everything under control.

I keep having thoughts of why me, why is God doing this, what did I do wrong? And I keep going over pretty much anything I've done since the pregnancy test came back positive to see if it's because of that.

Right now I'm sitting here and my back hurts, I randomly get cramps (although not horrible ones) and I just want to know what's going on. Again, I'm pretty sure, but it would be great to know for sure from a doctor. I just don't have the fortitude for this.

Normally what I would do when I feel this off or stressed is to workout, but I was told not to do that, so I'm not. I swear, I'm going to go batty. The plan is to put Jackson down for his nap in a while and than shower and try to nap maybe. I had a thought earlier, I guess I should shave my legs since I'll be seeing the doctor. Which is funny because we totally do that for ourselves, they probably could care less, they ain't looking at our legs!

I really hope that I'm wrong about this and it's something else that's easy to take care of. So please keep that in your thoughts and prayers.